Hold Me In Your Arms
by Anonymous Insanity
Summary: Arthur has lost love time and again, it was a scar on his broken heart… and he could feel its toll on his small fragile body grow as days pass by… till he no longer could bear it and runs away from all of this pain and suffering


Title: Hold Me In You Arms…

Pairing: USxUK

Summary: Arthur has lost love time and again, it was a scar on his broken heart… and he could feel its toll on his small fragile body grow as days pass by… till he no longer could bear it and runs away from all of this pain and suffering, to the rain's comforting chill that numbs his heart… to the feeling of strong warm arms around his fragile body in a delusional illusion of love… USxUK angsty drama…

Warning: This fic contains major amounts of angst and drama and lost of blood… and character death *winces* I don't accept flames and it will be merely a food for my dear little brother so… *RussiaSmile* ^.^ leave if you don't like it, am I clear? Good!

Inspired Song: Let It Rain by: Jordin Sparks, No Promises by: Shayne Ward…

Arthur sobs quietly as he could feel his heart clench tightly inside his body, his hand clenched tightly at his heart in internal pain. He was drinking again, drowning in his sorrows with liquor and he knew, even though it wouldn't solve anything, he still kept doing in… it was his only way to increase the numbing in his heart…

'Alfred… the bastard…'

He lets out a slight chuckle that was laced with bitterness. It was obvious that he was tired and weary to the bone but also the emotional rollercoaster was taking a toll on his health as well. He seemed even slimmer than before and there are bags under his eyes, indicating sleepless nights full of work and if not, then pain and sorrow… like now.

He sighed as he empties another shot of whiskey and wipes the tears away with the back of his hand, standing on his wobbly feet he turned off the lights and headed for bed, to try and get some sleep. Although the thought of sleep seemed a far cry for him to reach, he'd at least try, even if he'd experience the nightmares over and over again…

That night, like always, he wasn't able to sleep at all…

---

Arthur tried to look stern and stoic like what he would always do, to try and set up a better image to the other nations, but he knew that they knew… that he was breaking and it has taken a toll on his weary and fragile body as he walked down the hall to the meeting room, early as usual.

Some of the countries turn his way and whispered about themselves. Gossiping about his latest break up with Alfred. It was painful and agonizing to have to hear these whispers even if they didn't mean to. He sat up beside Francis, the other giving him a worried look under that entire smile.

Even if they were rivals Francis still cared for his younger brother enough to be concerned, it came with blood. "Are you okay, mon cher?" He asked and Arthur nodded stiffly Francis was not convinced. "Maybe you should get some rest, I can call Ludwig to tell him that you're too sick for the meeting today."

Arthur shook his head and gave a slight smile. "I'm fine, I'll just skip paperwork tonight and try to get some sleep." Despite that Francis still looked unconvinced but he held his tongue, knowing full well that a determined Arthur was a hard one to convince otherwise.

That night Arthur stayed true to his word, but even though he didn't do any paperwork, sleep came to him only bringing nightmares with it… another sleepless night…

---

They were in a war, it seemed Russia finally unleashed his wish to 'become one with everyone'. Arthur fought as hard as he could, knocking down Ukraine's sword and dodging a gunshot from Torris. So far he was faring well, he craned his neck to see Francis doing nicely on his own against Eduard and Raivis, Mathew was helping America fight off Ivan and Natalia… but he just don't know how long they will last.

The cold chill air told of a rainy night… filled with blood and war…

He fought relentlessly but in the corner of his eyes, he could see the rest were getting tired, they were outnumbered from 3-2… slim chance especially with Natalia's fierce swordmanship and dexterious throwing of daggers.

Arthur managed to slice at Ukraine's side then brought the back of his gun on her forehead, she fell down the ground, unconscious. He turned to Torris and he felt a bit pity for the other, Torris was always unwilling to comply with Ivan's doing but he had to so they fought.

France managed to knock out Raivis and was now fighting off a semi pissed off Eduard. Mathew looked a bit frightened with fighting off the fierce Natalia but he held fast and swift in dodging her daggers. Alfred… was doing quite nicely himself… he blocked and parried with a force and a fierceness that told of a protective mother bear. It was obvious he was furious at Ivan for what the other man said…

Arthur was about to knock out Torris when Alfred saw in the corner of his eyes Ivan level a gun at Arthur, he swung his sword and successfully knocked away the other's gun but that didn't stop the Russian, he pulled out another one and pushed Alfred away, firing at the same time.

Alfred wasted no time in running towards Arthur and wrapping his arms around the surprised nation, he felt the bullet hit him and knew the other man in his arms was safe, but he could feel the blood… his life force slowly drain away from him as he smiled sadly, blood stained his clothes and dribbled down his lips.

Arthur turned around to see a sight he never wished to see… Alfred hurt and dying…

"Alfred!" Arthur shouted as he was brought down with Alfred, the other collapsing on top of him. He pulled the young nation in his arms and sought out blue eyes so much like the pouring sky, eyes glittered with tears but still smiling. "Alfred… you stupid git…" He cried, feeling unbidden tears fall down his cheek and stain his clothes, mixing in with the rain's cold rivulets.

"Arthur…" The American softly trailed a hand over smooth pale wet cheeks, meeting those weeping green eyes, so full of love… and only for him… "I'm glad… that I could… save you…" He grinned with difficulty, his usual hero grin strained with pain and difficulty to breathe with the blood in his lungs.

"Alfred… why?" Arthur leaned his face closer to the hand… to the growingly cold hand on his cheek; softly touching… caressing his tears away and he brought a hand to entwine it with those cold fingers. "Why did you have to… you didn't have to…" He whispered out brokenly, green soulful eyes filled with sorrow for his dwindling lover.

"Because… I'm a hero… and a hero always… protects his lover… even from death…" Alfred said as he tilted Arthur's chin to fully see those green eyes he loved so much, and it was filled with bitter sadness, he wanted to see sweet affection illuminate in those eyes not sadness. "Arthur… be happy for me… even if I'm not here anymore…"

Arthur sobbed and shook his head stubbornly, pulling Alfred into a warm embrace… "Dan't say that… please don't…" He breathe against the young nation's neck, feeling the heartbeat under the bloody chest slowly die…

"Alfred… I love you… please stay with me… please?" Arthur pleaded, eyes begging for the other to continue living but also knew that it was an impossible wish. He wrapped his arms around the other's neck, holding him close to his heart.

Alfred smiled at the hearing the soft beating of his dearly beloved and wrapped his arms around Arthur as well. "Arthur… I'm so sorry…" He whispered, pulling Arthur into another deep passion glazed kiss… their very last… a final kiss sealed with hidden emotions, the very last of which they poured out all of their heart.

When they pulled away, Arthur could see Alfred's eyes slowly dim and the young blonde's eyelids flutter… he was slowly drifting away from him! "Alfred… please open your eyes… please?" He tried to meet those once bright blue eyes of his lover.

Alfred merely sighed and smiled, slowly trailing his hand to tuck a stray strand of golden hair behind an ear and whispered in said ear his last affection… his last confession of love. "I love you… forever… Arthur…"

Arthur's eyes widened when he felt the hand caress his skin, fell to the ground with a soft splash… he knew the other was no more… He let loose a shaky breathe, feeling tears once again stung his eyes. "No… NO!" He screamed out, clutching at the hand with such emotion… with such sorrow.

"Alfred…"

It continued to rain… the rain-washing away the blood… mixing it with bitter tears and cold rain…

---

Arthur sat in front of the vanity mirror with a weary and tired sigh, his eyes were red with nights of curling up and crying by himself, of lack of sleep and of nights of blood dreams and death… it was taking a toll on him, gripping his heart with chains of melancholy… of sorrow and utter deep hurt and loss.

He looked himself over, observing how his hair had gone longer than before… he refuse to cut it, idly remembering Alfred saying he liked to see Arthur's hair long…

'I'm such a stupid git… the person isn't even here to see my hair grown long anymore…' He thought, brushing his hair and tying it down into a loose braid, his older twin, Wales, taught him how to braid his hair. When he asked to teach him the other country gave him a confused look laced with worry… all of his brothers knew of his deep love for Alfred…

… And even if they tried to make him happy again… to go back to his usual charm and egoist self… he just couldn't… even Francis was getting tired of his melancholy but what could he do? He was too broken…

Mathew understood his deep hurt, after all Alfred was the Canadian's brother, even if they basically don't get along. Everyone knew of Alfred's death and they teamed to overthrow Ivan… they were successful but that didn't mean he should be happy…

'It's never the same without you here to celebrate it with us… with me…'

He sighed getting tired of looking at his dull image he stood to prepare for another night filled with bloodshed and death… just like every other night.

---

"_Arthur! I want to see you grow your hair out!" Alfred grinned at him one day while drinking tea and coffee, the midsummer breeze soft and cool against his face, softly playing with his frock of golden hair._

_Arthur raised a brow in utter surprised and slight annoyance. "What? Why the bloody hell would you want to see me grow out my hair?" He asked, baffled by Alfred's sudden request._

"_Well Francis told me of when you were young and when you grew out your hair because you got jealous of him!" Alfred grinned his victory hero grin, it was ridiculous really._

_Arthur almost spit out his tea and coughed to get air back into his lungs. "That stupid git! I was not jealous at his stupid hair! It was ridiculous! That's why I cut it!" He gritted out, glaring at the stupid American._

"_Oh? Well he said you asked him to cut it out because he told you that you looked like a furry caterpillar! Hehe, so I wanna see your awesome furry caterpillar self, Iggy! Please?" Alfred pleaded excitedly, Arthur groaned, he hated that look… those blue eyes illuminating the broad sky and those lips puckered into a pout… it was so… so stupid!_

"_No! No way in bloody hell!" Arthur was pissed now so he stood, deciding to do some paperwork instead. The American though wasn't one to give up so easily, so Alfred followed him in his study… bugging the bloody shit out of him._

"_Aw, c'mon! It'd be nice to see you with long hair and tied in a long braid! Just like a princess in distress and I'll be your hero! Defeating monsters and evil men with my awesome!" Arthur found it quite ridiculous that Alfred's 'awesome' can defeat anything at all…_

---

It was a cold rainy night as Arthur walked lonely down the road; it was so alike that day, so much like the day that he had lost someone dear to his heart… He wanted to feel warmth again, to feel the calming breathe of his lover against his neck but he knew it would never be… because the one thing his heart desires… will never be able to come back to him anymore… its just an impossibility…

No amount of love can ever bring back a dead person… it was just never meant to be…

He sighed as he came upon a soaked park, he could remember him and Alfred used to play in this park… with the green grass and fluttering colorful flowers. He walked over to the wet grassland; just standing there under the rain… he could easily imagine his lover here with him… holding him close in a warm embrace.

Then the illusion of his lover began to pull him for a dance, slowly at first then it became passionate… with soulful turns and twists, he was spun around by strong arms that wrapped around his waist and then pulled him into a set of steps then away again, twirling him under the bright lone moonlight. He was then pulled into a set of warm arms around him, his back to an imaginary chest, then a slight bend to the right and he turned his face to kiss… midair, his eyes opening to find the spell of the night vanish in one single second, finding himself alone once again.

He could feel the tears threaten to fall down his cheeks… and he let the floodgates loose, rivulets of crystal tears fell down his cheeks as he fell down to his knees, wrapping his arms around himself in a weak attempt to feel Alfred's strong arms…

He sobbed as he have come to realize that, no matter how much he wished… the American will never come back to life… it was never meant to be…

And he missed it, that golden hair so much like the bright sun, so bright and those eyes… like the sky and so free… he missed them all… he missed Alfred F. Jones so much that he wished he were dead so he could meet his lover once again…

"Alfred… I wish you were with me… I wish I were dead and… at least then… I would be with you…" Arthur smiled a bittersweet smile and wipes the tears off futilely. "Because I really really… feel like I'm about to lose hope of ever being with you again… of seeing your bright smiles and feeling your warm embrace…"

'Of feeling your lips against mine…' he trailed a finger to his lips with such utter sorrow…

Arthur raised his green mournful eyes to the heavens. "You said you love me forever… and I do trust your word… I just wish that… forever could have been different… that you could still be alive to spend every waking moment with me…" 'But it is wishful thinking…'

Finally he stood up and straightened his clothes, walking out of the nostalgic grassland filled with flowers of varied colors… out of the past memories… of those warm days spent with _him and only him…_

'I just wish… you'd hold me in your arms again… here tonight…'

~End~

A/N: Okay… tragic really but that is all you're getting from me nothing more… and maybe something less… okay okay nothing less, sheesh… anyways I'm sorry for making Ivan so cruel here but I have to have him do it to Arthur… it's a must! And also tis be my very first mixed drama series! Its got angst, it's got drama, its got tragedy! It's even got blood and everything on top! Awesome! Like the Awesome me! LoL okay enough of that please leave a review m'hearties! For if not, I will be very displeased… *RussiaSmile* ^.^


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